When I had my first miscarriage, I wasn’t aware how common it is.
I was heartbroken, ashamed and completely and totally alone.
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[right]I was terrified that I would never complete my family with a child. When I did get pregnant with my rainbow baby, I spent the entire pregnancy scared and trying to not get too attached. Lo and behold, Isabella was born perfect. A pain in the ass but a lovable one.
Recently, my husband and I decided to try for a second one. I got pregnant and although miscarriage whispered across my thoughts, I felt safe. After all, I had already been the statistic. My previous miscarriage felt like a shield of armor.[/right]
It surely wouldn’t happen again.
Believing that, we excitedly told my family as well as my husband’s. A few short days later, we found out that we are experiencing another miscarriage. I am going through it as I write this.
Miscarriage can make a woman feel powerless, betrayed by her own body and empty.
I also feel like a disappointment to everyone we told. My in-laws will not get that 8th grandchild, my sister will not get that second niece or nephew. This time around I have an amazing support group. However, what it comes down to, I need to reconcile this within myself. I’m writing this at the request of a close friend who wanted to give me that chance to vent, while allowing other women to possibly find something to identify with. Honestly, this isn’t pretty and it’s pretty raw, but I want everyone to know miscarriage just happens. It’s random and indiscriminate and as long as you aren’t doing harmful things,
It’s not your fault
I’m still coming to terms with that and I’m hoping my words can help even one person. Miscarriage needs a voice and for its stigma to be removed. I can only hope this is a step in the right direction.
Robyn Bonavita
Update: A day before going in for my recommended D&C, I went into the doctor for one last sonogram. At this sonogram, a heartbeat was detected. It was slow, but it was there. My world was, once again, thrown upside down. It sounded like good news, but was it? Was my baby healthy? The doctor was unsure if there would still be a heartbeat three days later. We went back today. We found a stronger heartbeat! Now, we are at the point where things are progressing well, but the baby is measuring small. We don’t know which way this pregnancy will go, but we do know, that dealing with a possible miscarriage is so difficult. My emotions have been everywhere, the main feeling is fear. I fear everything at this point. Deep down, I know, I will get through this. I might become broken in the process, but it will eventually get better.
Learn more about this series, a letter from the Breastfeeding World Team
[col1]Becca’s Story[/col1]
[col2]Anika’s Story[/col2]
[col3]Megan’s Story[/col3]
[col1]Anika’s Story[/col1]
[col2]Janice’s Story[/col2]
[col3]Randi’s Story[/col3]
[col1]Olivia’s Story[/col1]
[col2]Tasha’s Story[/col2]
[col3]Maegan’s Story[/col3]
Be sure to join us in our social media accounts to be up to date with the progress of our project!
And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our HT #BreastfeedingWorld
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Born and raised in NY, I studied speech and language pathology at NYU. I am a stay at home mom to two beautiful children, Richard and Charlotte and wife to my wonderful husband, Rich. I have always had a deep love for learning, which has grown further since becoming a mother, I am always looking for new ways to enrich our lives. Becoming a mother changed my life, I learned compassion, caring and most importantly, true love. I hope to share the experiences of my breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, crocheting, full of love, life.
