Nothing is more annoying than drowning your excitement of having a child with the “fear” other parents set in.
If you’ve been given unsolicited advice (you know, the remarks about your new chapter in life called “Parenthood” that are eye-rolling inducing), just chuck it out the window.
This time last year, my fiancé and I were excitedly sharing the news of our new bundle of joy that would be on the way. We were SO EXCITED. In our early 30’s, we were finally joining our groups of friends in Parenthood, which everyone had been waiting for, for years. While there were so many “Congratulations!” and well wishes, there were also those who were honest about having children and dulled the moment.
These were common sayings I had heard before about having children. But having it said directly to me, now that I was with a child, was SO ANNOYING. I wish people would just stop with the unsolicited-having-children-is-going-to-suck-the-life-out-of-you remarks and just “chuck it”. Let new parents embrace what is coming.
5 Annoying comments to stop saying to expectant and new parents
1.You’ll never sleep
This was always an “EYE-ROLLER” for me. It was just annoying to hear it over and over and over again from friends to family members to the grocery store clerk or the customer service agent on the phone.
Yes, I didn’t realize how much “good” sleep I wouldn’t get, especially during the first few months, but I did sleep. And anyhow, how was I supposed to prepare for “never sleeping”? Was I supposed to sleep longer before the baby arrived? Or put in more naps every day before she was born?
Exhaustion is a better term to describe this. Yes, new parents, you’ll be exhausted and have less sleep, but you will be able to do it! When you’re up and awake, know that you’ll be spending that time with this precious little being in your arms and he or she (or they) will steal your heart with every breath you take. Babies grow so fast, sometimes you’ll find yourself watching over your child while they sleep, than choosing to sleep yourself.
2. Say Good-Bye to Fun
So common – and every time I heard this phrase, I gave the person my Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson eyebrow. But, new parents, fun doesn’t stop – it just changes, and you WILL enjoy it.
If going out and partying on the weekends was your thing – it doesn’t mean you can’t do that anymore. If you plan to go to an event, have the right arrangements made and be responsible about it. You can still have that kind of fun. It might not be as often as you had before you had a child, but it isn’t cut out of your life.
We had family visiting in out of country the week my girl was born. When I felt well enough to leave the house, we spent time with my cousins to bowling or showing them around Seattle or staying up past 10 pm just catching up over junk food. That was fun for us and still an appropriate environment for the baby.
So, “fun” is what you make of your time. New parents shouldn’t be told to limit themselves to thinking having a child is the end of all social life. In fact, they’re just adding a new person to bond with, which is THE foundation of fun.
3. There goes all your spending money
Yes, raising a child is expensive. Diapers are over $100 a month, formula is some areas are over $35 a can, child care is the same amount as rent in some cities and medical bills can go through the roof. But, that is part of growing up and being an adult – spending your money on things that you should invest in, like your child.
As new parents, you’ll probably end up spending a lot on your first child anyway because you’ll instinctively want to get him or her the best of everything. While there won’t be as much freedom to by clothes or shoes or tickets to the game or concert, if you budget properly, you can still have some spending money for yourself. You are SO entitled to that because parents need things, too.
4. The Sarcastic, “Good luck!”
I probably heard this more from non-parents than parents. The truth is, the people who have said this probably didn’t babysit or have any time with kids growing up. They therefore lack experiencing the joy that comes with having a little one to care for.
“Good luck,” might be their only way to say, “Cool story, bro.” Take it at that and nothing more. It may have been my hormones while I was pregnant, but when someone would say that to me, it just made me irritated. I equated it to someone having a dilemma and that person saying, “Have fun dealing with it on your own.”
When you have kids, you don’t need luck. You’ll find all the strength you never knew you had within yourself, and if you reach out to parenting groups, you’ll find a community of parents that will support you along the way.
5. Don’t have any more than one – you’ll go crazy.
While I didn’t hear the “you’ll go crazy” phrase too often, just hearing another parent say not to have any more than one child was slightly insulting.
Did they think right off the bat I wouldn’t be fit to care for more than one child? Did they think I wouldn’t make a cute baby (because EVERY baby is cute to me)? If my mom is one of eight and her mom is one of nine, why wouldn’t I want a large family?
Don’t listen to this – EVER. Have as many children as you want to have. They can be planned or unplanned, but do as you please responsibly.
New Parents, this is your life and no one else’s. Live and parent the way you desire.
Reach out to groups that provide parenting support, get recommendations and suggestions from friends. And if people start giving you annoying advice, just “chuck it.”
Let’s stop Scaring New parents by saying they’ll get no sleep, have no money, or no life. Let’s prepare them to embrace all the good that is to follow.
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