A few weeks ago I introduced myself to ya’ll and shared my struggles with new parenthood and postpartum depression. I’m happy to say that since then, I’ve been doing a lot of healing, but I still have a long road ahead of me. I haven’t “beat” it yet. I still have bad days. But I keep the Beast locked in the closet, and it only comes out when it’s broken the locks, and busted through the doors and walls. But getting the Beast chained up and shoved in that closet has been no easy feat.. there is lots of self discovery involved.
I’ve come to discover that my biggest challenge and obstacle is myself. I’m standing in my own way of healing. Well, no more! I’m learning that every day I need to set a goal, make a plan and be productive. Some days this may simply mean taking a shower. Other days it means socialization. All I know is that taking it one day at a time, and pushing myself outside of my comfort zones is really having a positive impact.
One of my ventures that has given me purpose is my new Etsy shop. I’ve started to make custom ring slings, and I will soon be adding products to include nursing covers, bibs, and blankets. This business venture has taught me something very valuable though. Every mother just wants to be happy and comfortable, and we need to support each other through that. This is why I’m starting a business. I’m starting small, but hope to touch mothers’ lives by supporting their individual needs.
While my Etsy shop, and blogging for Breastfeeding World has been very therapeutic it lacks personal interaction. I’m still holed up in a dark house all day. So today, thanks to a neighbor who I hope grows into a good friend, I joined MOPS which is a local Mommy group. I can bring Critter, there is a daycare option if you wish (I don’t), and best of all there is in person, adult to adult, woman to woman interaction for about 2 hours every other week.
I was petrified of attending tho meeting
What if I’m awkward? I don’t know anyone! What if no one likes me? Do I really want to do this? Are these women just going to judge me for something? Are they going to tell me how to raise my kid? I don’t wanna go. I don’t wanna wake up. This requires a shower! I should probably stay home.
Well guess what? I was awkward. But I wasn’t the only one. I didn’t know many people.. but I wasn’t the only one. And isn’t that the whole point anyway? Go make friends? Yes. It is! No. No one made me feel judged, and no one offered unsolicited child rearing advice. It didn’t matter if I wanted to go. I had to go. I couldn’t stay home. Guess what else? I actually enjoyed myself. Getting out energized me. I had something to talk to my husband about when he asked how my day went. I didn’t just say, “What do you think?”.
Mamas, when you’re suffering from Postpartum Depression, and you feel caged up like you can’t go out, or you don’t want to go out… it’s hard, but make like Nike and just do it! I’m so glad I went, and I will continue to go! In fact I’m going to sign up for the other group that meets alternate weeks as well. I was given an opportunity to reflect upon myself, and surround myself with other beautiful mothers who are going through, or have been where I’m at. I have great hopes for this adventure. I hope that I find a new part of myself. I hope to make friends. I hope to learn from others… Did you hear (read) that? I hope. I hope. Hope. I have found hope again. Just when I thought all hope was lost, and just when I thought my life royally sucked… I didn’t fix it all, but I at least found hope.
Now, I challenge you – yes, I’m talking to you, mama. The one wearing the same milk stained shirt for the 3rd day in a row, who may be turning into a vampire from lack of outdoor exposure, wallowing in your dark pit of confusion and despair, YOU – to set a goal, no matter how little, and achieve it. Set a bigger one for tomorrow. Get out of your comfort zone. Be awkward. It’s okay. Just be you. Don’t know who you are anymore? Then go find you.
Leave a comment below to share with us some of your personal challenges and how you’ve overcome them to fight back against the shadows of PPD!
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Latest posts by Jaimie Zaki (see all)
- New Babies and Marriage - September 29, 2015
- Locking the Postpartum Depression Beast in the Closet - September 11, 2015
- Your Breastfeeding Toolbox - September 2, 2015