Breastfeeding is and can be the most intimate and beautiful moments you have with your baby. The sleepy dust that follows, the snuggles, the endless hours rocking in a dark room, just breathing in your baby as you nurse. I loved nursing and now, after weaning my 2nd and possibly last baby, I miss it. But…BUT! There are things, stuff that happens that ain’t so pretty that comes with breastfeeding:
The Hilarious Breastfeeding “Stuff” that No One Tells You
1. Let Down
First, let me start with the let down. Picture this. You’re out with your new baby, she’s sleeping soundly, you’re pushing the strolling and you feel it. That tingling sensation that almost hurts. You can feel your breasts harden and wait for it…Open the flood gates! Insert sheer panic. For myself at least because no one told me there were pads for your boobs. I didn’t figure out nursing pads until late in the game my friends. Too late. Before you can find a jacket, or take down my mom bun to cover those babies, you have Niagara Falls sprouting on your shirt. It’s probably grey shirt too, isn’t it? It was for me. So invest in nursing pads. Buy them in bulk. Trust me.
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2. Tater Tot Nipples
I love tater tots. They are delicious. I don’t, however, like my nipples to represent them! I guess if you pull on a nipple long enough, multiple times a day, eventually your nipples are going to look weird. My husband even joked I was gonna take someone’s eye out with them one day. If you look up how far the nipple actually goes in your babies mouth and how the suckling works, you’ll understand why they look like that. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
3. Betty meet Veronica
You’re going to have one side that produces more than the other. Your baby will prefer that one and fuss and refuse the other until you give the dominant boob. See, what happens is when your baby feeds more or less, your body adjusts and your breasts make more or less milk accordingly. I myself had a strong left side (my fault, I side nursed her in bed) and so my right side adjusted to the lesser feeds. What I was left with however was a lopsided chest. Betty on the right, Veronica on the left.
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4. You will wash a disposable nursing pad or ten.
And when you do, you will curse those damn things, or yourself for being too lazy to remove the pad before putting your bra in the hamper. You know when your husband doesn’t empty his pockets, yet again, and you end up washing his phone? Wait, that was me… But seriously, you know those little bits of paper receipts that are left in the pockets, and you accidentally wash? Those little wet bits of paper stick to every piece of clothing in that load and it makes you want to cry, right? Times that by 10,000. Those nursing pads are like mini diapers that absorb fluid into it’s gel base causing it to expand. That gel is thick and grainy. Not to mention the soft tissue the pads are lined with. Trust me when I say this, just put everything in the dryer and run it a couple times, emptying the lint trap in between. You’ll be good!
Twin Peak Fountains anyone?
You’ll be getting undressed, getting ready to hop in the shower and you feel your arm/leg/stomach, some various body part get wet.
Weird” you think. “Where did that come from?”
You continue on, until you’re about to hop in the shower- and you hear it. There is a distinct sound of spray hitting the plastic shower curtain. Yep, that’s you my friend. Those babies are spraying, with some impressive reach may I add, like there is a fire and you got 2 hoses.
As I said, breastfeeding accounts for so many of my fondest memories with my babies.
I truly did love it. I know not everyone has success with it and some women don’t get to experience it. So with all the weird ‘stuff’ that happens with breastfeeding, which you are totally prepared for by the way, embrace the moments of silence as you nurse your littles. They really are little for just a blink of an eye.
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