I should premise this; my daughter is now three and a half. She is growing every day into a wild, intelligent, loving, imaginative little girl. With the Birth of my son, I find myself clinging to his every day, every milestone, wanting to slow time, cherish each moment.
I realized lately that in spending so much time clinging to my sons babydom, I am letting my daughter’s preschool days slip past me.
There is so much in me, and I believe in most parents, to simotaneously wish away the difficult parts and at the same time cling to the lovely parts of our children growing up. What I think overtime I have not realized is that this growing up thing is a whole package.
My package.
My package of sleepless nights, full hearted snuggles, giggles, fights, exhaustion, and joy.
So in my recent nostalgia, I decided to share an open letter I wrote on my daughters first birthday.
Cling to your babies, your toddlers. Your strong willed battles, your sleepless nights. Cling to your cuddles, your laughter. I have blinked and my baby is a preschooler. I remember that first year so vividly.
I don’t want to close my eyes and miss anything else again
My baby girl,
I can’t believe you are one today. Your baby fat is thinning, your hair is growing, curling. Every day you say a new word. How did this fly by so fast?
The first time I held that positive test, realizing I had a tiny human growing inside me, my heart was sealed to you forever. I would lay in bed for hours, my hands splayed across my growing belly, waiting for your quickening. The first time I felt you move in me, I knew my life wasn’t mine anymore.
I thought I knew then that I could never love anything more. But then you were born. Those cheeks, those captivating eyes. “Now,” I thought, “this is love. I understand the love a parent has for a child. I could never love more than this,” my heart was overflowing.
I was wrong. I was wrong because every moment, every day, I love you more. Every laugh, every cuddle, every time your eyes meet mine. I know that everything I have ever done in my life, has led me to creating you, to growing and guiding and loving you, and I don’t regret a second of it.
You’re our baby girl. Our love. I am so excited to see the amazing woman you will one day be. But not just yet. Right now, today, on your birthday, I will relish your chubby cheeks. I will run my hand over your flyaway hair, and I will hold my baby just a little bit closer. Because I know now, that I could never love you too much. And that you will always, always be my baby Lyla.
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Lauren Lewis is no stranger to childcare development, having spent over 10 years as a nanny or family childcare provider. She’s the wife of a travel geek, mother of two vivacious children, and has an amazing talent for trailing lost things behind her a la Hansel and Gretel. Her passion for lifting up women and advocating for children pours out in her work as a Central Indiana Event Coordinator, Writer, and Social Media Relations Director for Breastfeeding World. Her life is full of busy, crazy and LOUD. It is full of love and hope, ups and downs. And coffee, always lots of coffee- but she wouldn’t have it any other way.
LOVE THIS!! I also am gonna write my baby a letter about how she changed me ..just in case i have to leave this world before i can tell her. Which terrifies me.