I should premise this; my daughter is now three and a half. She is growing every day into a wild, intelligent, loving, imaginative little girl. With the Birth of my son, I find myself clinging to his every day, every milestone, wanting to slow time, cherish each moment.
I realized lately that in spending so much time clinging to my sons babydom, I am letting my daughter’s preschool days slip past me.
There is so much in me, and I believe in most parents, to simotaneously wish away the difficult parts and at the same time cling to the lovely parts of our children growing up. What I think overtime I have not realized is that this growing up thing is a whole package.
My package of sleepless nights, full hearted snuggles, giggles, fights, exhaustion, and joy.
So in my recent nostalgia, I decided to share an open letter I wrote on my daughters first birthday.
Cling to your babies, your toddlers. Your strong willed battles, your sleepless nights. Cling to your cuddles, your laughter. I have blinked and my baby is a preschooler. I remember that first year so vividly.
I don’t want to close my eyes and miss anything else again
My baby girl,
I can’t believe you are one today. Your baby fat is thinning, your hair is growing, curling. Every day you say a new word. How did this fly by so fast?
The first time I held that positive test, realizing I had a tiny human growing inside me, my heart was sealed to you forever. I would lay in bed for hours, my hands splayed across my growing belly, waiting for your quickening. The first time I felt you move in me, I knew my life wasn’t mine anymore.
I thought I knew then that I could never love anything more. But then you were born. Those cheeks, those captivating eyes. “Now,” I thought, “this is love. I understand the love a parent has for a child. I could never love more than this,” my heart was overflowing.
I was wrong. I was wrong because every moment, every day, I love you more. Every laugh, every cuddle, every time your eyes meet mine. I know that everything I have ever done in my life, has led me to creating you, to growing and guiding and loving you, and I don’t regret a second of it.
You’re our baby girl. Our love. I am so excited to see the amazing woman you will one day be. But not just yet. Right now, today, on your birthday, I will relish your chubby cheeks. I will run my hand over your flyaway hair, and I will hold my baby just a little bit closer. Because I know now, that I could never love you too much. And that you will always, always be my baby Lyla.
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