There are some questions I always get asked as a doula and mother of two.
“Is cluster feeding normal?” (Yes.)
“Is the ‘ring of fire’ real?” (Yes, though miserable imagery in that phrase.)
“Do I need to ‘pump and dump’?” (No.)
“How long will it take to ‘bounce back’ after birth?” (That concept is an illusion.)
The list goes on. There also some questions that never get asked, for one reason or another. Though I know from personal experience and years doing doula work that parents, specifically the birthing parent, are wondering about. Let’s begin with this one:
Will I ever want to have sex again?
Believe it or not- one day, maybe far from now and maybe right around the corner, you will feel strong, sexy and ready to engage in more physically intimate acts with your partner. Imagine that! It may just happen out of nowhere.
You may wake up one morning or get ready for bed one night and BAM, like a bolt of sexual lightening you will be transformed into a sex goddess and be ready to ‘make up for lost time’, as they say.
Oh how I hope that is you!
For most though, it will be a slow and steady journey of self-care and emotional bonding with your partner that will ready you for deeper physical intimacy.
Ensuring you are nourished, quenched, well slept (its all relative) and feeling supported by your partner, family, friends, whomever, will lend itself to the revival of your libido.
I hadn’t been hit by a bolt of “sexual lightening” yet here…
And also, biology. For many, breastfeeding can keep Estrogen levels low, which can result in vaginal dryness- making intercourse uncomfortable without lubricant- and making you disinterested in sex at all. In that case, staying well hydrated and practicing patience are key.
No one can guarantee that you will return to the feelings you experienced before your pregnancy. Things have changed, shifted, grown.
If you can mentally accept the change and welcome in patience and self care, you can rest assured that your sex drive will be there waiting for you with a smile…and a wink 😉
A birth doula formerly out of Brooklyn, we moved our family to the foot of Mt Beacon in the Hudson Valley, NY. Between raising two kids, a greyhound and a sphynx cat- and supporting birthing people and their families through pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum, I have my hands full- and my heart more so! My life is a constant stream of breastmilk, grocery shopping and gratitude.
