“Is cluster feeding normal?” (Yes.)

“Is the ‘ring of fire’ real?” (Yes, though miserable imagery in that phrase.)

“Do I need to ‘pump and dump’?” (No.)

“How long will it take to ‘bounce back’ after birth?” (That concept is an illusion.)

The list goes on. There also some questions that never get asked, for one reason or another. Though I know from personal experience and years doing doula work that parents, specifically the birthing parent, are wondering about. Let’s begin with this one:

Will I ever want to have sex again?

Believe it or not- one day, maybe far from now and maybe right around the corner, you will feel strong, sexy and ready to engage in more physically intimate acts with your partner. Imagine that! It may just happen out of nowhere.

You may wake up one morning or get ready for bed one night and BAM, like a bolt of sexual lightening you will be transformed into a sex goddess and be ready to ‘make up for lost time’, as they say.

Oh how I hope that is you!

For most though, it will be a slow and steady journey of self-care and emotional bonding with your partner that will ready you for deeper physical intimacy.

Ensuring you are nourished, quenched, well slept (its all relative) and feeling supported by your partner, family, friends, whomever, will lend itself to the revival of your libido.

I hadn’t been hit by a bolt of “sexual lightening” yet here…

And also, biology. For many, breastfeeding can keep Estrogen levels low, which can result in vaginal dryness- making intercourse uncomfortable without lubricant- and making you disinterested in sex at all. In that case, staying well hydrated and practicing patience are key.

No one can guarantee that you will return to the feelings you experienced before your pregnancy. Things have changed, shifted, grown.

If you can mentally accept the change and welcome in patience and self care, you can rest assured that your sex drive will be there waiting for you with a smile…and a wink

Alyia Cutler

A birth doula formerly out of Brooklyn, we moved our family to the foot of Mt Beacon in the Hudson Valley, NY. Between raising two kids, a greyhound and a sphynx cat- and supporting birthing people and their families through pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum, I have my hands full- and my heart more so! My life is a constant stream of breastmilk, grocery shopping and gratitude.

www.risingmoondoula.com

The post Will I Ever Have Sex Again? appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

So this month our Breastfeeding World Team is celebrating the Active Father, half of our parenting team

“So Lauren,” my brother in law asked, “what went through your mind, when Todd told you that he wanted to take the kids on vacation by himself?” I think I must have looked crazy, trying to process what he was asking me.

Uhhhh… That it was like my own vacation, even though I was working?” I answered blithely. Then I stepped up on my soapbox. “Why is it that because he’s a dad, traveling with his kids alone, people are shocked? But if it was me, no one would blink an eye?”

“No I mean… that’s a lot for a parent, traveling with two kids, alone.” Being a young, active father himself, He meant for any parent, it’s hard. But it got me thinking.

Why is it that an active father is labeled an “amazing dad”, but an active mother is just a mom?

Then I thought about my husband, an active father in every single way. He changes diapers, gives baths, folds laundry, takes the kids on outings by himself. He does this every day, without blinking. And then I thought about the parents in my daycare. The majority of them share the load, evenly. Dad picks up, just as often as mom. Kids are just as happy to see him, rely on him for their daily care, every bit as their mothers. These fathers, today’s fathers, do not take on the role that our fathers did, that our grandfathers did.

Many of today’s families are working families, both the parents, out of the home.

Equal partners in supporting their families. Equal partners at home. You can knock the “millennial” generation all you want- but someone is doing something right, because our children are being raised by mom AND dad.

Society may still see an active father as a “Super Dad”, but the truth is, he’s a partner with his spouse, a partner in his home. The paradigm for fatherhood is changing, just as dramatically as the model for motherhood. And I don’t think these active fathers are getting enough credit.

Maybe, just maybe, as much as moms are feeling pressure to do-and-be-it-all, dad’s are feeling the same?

My husband adores Isabella. Every day at some point, he takes her out to the backyard and they work on “their garden” together. She is constantly talking about the strawberries or tomatoes she is growing. He’s also great about me going out, I go out at least twice a month, between book club and friends and he may mess with me by grumbling but he always makes sure to get rid of his overtime so I can have that alone time. My favorite is when baseball comes on, Isabella knows to get into his lap and he explains the game to her and that keeps her busy for a good half hour.

He’s a great father.

Our daughter has special needs. 13 years old and we still have to change poop diapers and she already started her period . She has also developed quite a chest. Through it all, my husband does his fair share of taking care of all of her needs . He is so patient and kind. We both have our moments still to this day regarding her syndrome. We are able to be strong for each other. To our son, he is also such an amazing role model . He works hard, but never complains when there’s almost always a load of laundry waiting for him to put it the dryer. 

My kids adore him and it’s not hard to see why.

My husband usually works 80 hour weeks, with a max of 4 days off a month. Not including studying and working on presentations at home. He STILL makes time (the nights he’s home) to do bath and bedtime stories, picks up toys, prepares some meals, takes out the garbage, and changes lots of diapers. He loves taking Zeke out to the park by himself.

In those first few months when Zeke was a newborn, we were barely holding it together with no family in the area. But, we took turns holding Zeke at night, giving him a bottle, and he changed way more diapers than I did. He took a newborn to Target by himself, so I could stay home and sleep. After 24+ hour shifts, he would come home and take the baby from me so I could sleep. I have no doubt, that I would have given up on breastfeeding without his support during the first 2.5 months (successfully breasted for 16 months). He made so many meals in those early weeks, washed dishes, etc, etc. I once told my husband that other husbands don’t always do these things, and he said he knew, that his dad never changed one diaper, and my husband is the oldest of five. He followed it up by saying, “I’m not a pu**y”.

This Parenting Thing Is No Walk In The Park

We all need all the help we can get! As society changes, and families need to become two income households in order to survive, we see a shift in the roles of parenting. We see a shift in the roles of parenting because how we are raising our children is changing. Honestly, an amazing shift. A shift that supports an incredible bond between fathers and their children, that we have not seen in generations past. Both partners are understanding the importance of their role in supporting one another, supporting their families both financially and emotionally. 

The Village Starts At Home

Behind the doors of our home, we need to feel loved, heard and supported. As Dads feel the pressure to do it all, us moms want you to know: we couldn’t do it with out you. We see you doing everything you can when you are tired from work. You play with the children in the most beautiful way when you think no one is watching, but we see you. When we walk into the room and its clean and the dishes are done, we see it. We see it, just like you see it when we do those things. Moms know what you are going through, we understand the pressure of this world, the pressure of parenting and holding it all together. On Father’s Day, we are thankful for you, the active father, the things you do, who you are, and who you are helping our children to become. Because our village starts at home, our village starts with you.

Be sure to join us in our social media accounts and be up to date with the progress of our project!

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our hashtag

#BreastfeedingWorld

[col1][/col1]

[col2][/col2]

[col3][/col3]

admin

A photography project founded in late 2014 by Alexia Garcia, photographer a Alegares Photography. Breastfeeding World aims to promote breastfeeding and encourage new moms to nurse their babies through the art of photography and story telling.

The post Dear Active Fathers appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

And, when my husband caught up with me he uttered those fateful words: ‘you’re not the woman I married’.

It hurt like a knife.

On the sullen drive home I held back my hurt tears, and mulled that sentence over and over. Truthfully, he was right. I am not the woman he married. I don’t recognize myself half the time either.

We got married at 23

Young, but sure. Emotionally, we were happy, determined, carefree, and considerably better off financially than we are now. We laughed lots, ate out, saw friends, had holidays and weekends away, spent money on frivolous things we didn’t really need. Physically we were different too. No signs of age had crept across our faces, there were no grey hairs, I was certainly thinner, I always had time to shave my legs.

We were happy, most of the time.

We wanted a baby. It felt like the logical next step to our relationship. A mini human of our own, a bit of both of us. So when Squid arrived, 18 months after we got married, we were ready, prepared to tackle this parenting lark together. How hard could it really be?

Oh, how little we knew.

Motherhood has changed me. Motherhood is the single hardest thing I have ever embarked upon, bringing up a child. It is all-consuming: physically, mentally and emotionally. But, It is also the most wonderful and inspirational thing that’s ever happened to me.

Motherhood means that there is very little left of myself to offer my husband when he walks in from work each day.

We fell into a steady rhythm. No doubt, our child became the central steering mast of our relationship.

‘Where are the baby wipes? ‘Whose turn is it to wash up?’ ‘We’ve run out of nappies’

“These sentences narrated our home life. It was so easy to get swept along by the rigmarole of life, by the mundane and the every day. There was very little time for each other – and I don’t mean physically, though of course that’s important too. I mean, that I am sometimes so wrapped up in how mine and our toddler’s day has been, with its trials and tribulations and wonder, that I forget to ask my husband how his day was. It’s not that I don’t care. I just don’t have the brain space.

The sleeplessness and the mental fog can make you forget that you’re a team. You and your baby’s daddy. It makes us bicker over who has had more sleep or who works longer hours. It makes you irrational at times. I have to remind myself, often, that it’s not a competition.

We’re in this together.

Even when I feel tired, and he’s worn out too. When I work hard, he works hard. We both do it for each other, to support our family.

But, today made me realize. Today made me stop, think and understand things from my husband’s perspective.

I am NOT the woman he married.

And, actually, that’s okay. Our marriage has evolved, from the fun and frivolous, to the ordinary and every day – that’s a normal progression, I think. But I also think we need to remember to make time for each other.

At the end of a busy day, it’s so hard to switch off,  ignore the housework and the mounting to do list, but it’s also so important. Yes, becoming a parent can change you. And, it can mean a shift in your relationship, but I think it’s so important to remember how you got here.

How much you really do love your other half.

Sometimes, I think our child is the only thing we have in common. But actually, that’s not true at all. We have a lot in common: we both love wine (white for me, red for him), we both love eating out, spending time with family, holidays, clothes, discussing politics, we both love animals.

So as I type this, one-handed whilst I nurse our toddler to sleep, I am making a promise. When I leave this bedroom, our phones will go away, the TV off, the dishes can wait.

My husband needs me. These days, I’m NOT the woman he married. But… I’m the woman he’s married to. We’re not young and carefree, but we ARE a family. He’s the man who kisses me before we sleep, who doesn’t care about my hairy legs, and who knows I’d rather have a pint of lager than a glass of wine. At my best and at my worst, he’s still here.

I loved him on our wedding day, and now I love him infinitely more, in a million more ways

Has motherhood changed your relationship with your partner? How do you make time to stay connected? Let’s talk about it in the comments below!

Love it, share it, pin it, read it. What every you do, keep sharing the breastfeeding love!

Be sure to join us in our social media accounts and be up to date with the progress of our project!

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our hashtag

#BreastfeedingWorld

[col1][/col1]

[col2][/col2]

[col3][/col3]

Emily Lipscombe

Emily is a 20-something year old mama and teacher, living on the south coast of the UK with her husband and their toddler, balancing motherhood, family life and work (with varying degrees of success!) She writes about breastfeeding and parenting and everything else in between – check out her blog!

squidmamma.wordpress.com

The post ‘You’re Not The Woman I Married’ – How Motherhood Changed My Marriage appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

No matter how hard you try to sustain the spark in your relationship, life seems to get in the way. There’s the responsibility of running the household, work, and of course your children, who gobble up almost every ounce of your energy each and every day.

For me, days can pass with my husband being no more than a fleeting gust of wind in and out of the front door. I reach for him in the middle of the night, just to make sure that he made it home safely.

Date nights aren’t always attainable and they’re a lot easier to talk about than to actually do. Still, there are lots of other ways to get closer to your spouse. So, I came up with five ways that you can connect with your spouse and turn those precious date nights into something even more exciting.

Hurray for a post that isn’t about the kids! (What!? there is such a thing?)

1. A Little Goes A Long Way

Not that the days of grand romantic gestures, like whisking away for a weekend, are totally gone, but they are undoubtedly few and far between. And certainly less spontaneous. The good news is, you don’t need a grand romantic gesture to make your spouse feel loved. There is something to be said about feeling cared for, feeling that your spouse does the little things that you like. Brew his coffee, make her dinner, the little things go a long way.

For me, it’s the general chores. I go crazy in an even remotely untidy house, when my husband does the dishes or vacuums before I get to it, (because I am crazy and on top of these things like white on rice) it is so awesome. I know there are things that he would rather be doing, I know there are things he needs to do for himself, instead he jumped on something silly and small before I could, and it makes all the difference.

When he does something just for me, just because, it is sexy as hell.

2. Branch Out

On those glorious days that you get to have a date night, do something different! Research shows that doing something different and engaging in a new experience together helps couples feel more connected.

I tend to be a creature of habit; I go to the same places and do the same things, but that level of complacency can get so boring. We need to break out of the routine! Everything we do is routine with children. So, on your time with your spouse, expand and do something you haven’t done before. Connect through a new and exciting experience.

3. Put The Phone Down

Seriously. Do it.

There is nothing like looking each other in the eye and having an uninterrupted conversation. We are all busy, we are all doing a million things, and we are all guilty of it. But there is nothing more important than the person you love, standing in front of you, trying to reach you. Emotional connection is just as much about talking face to face as it is about intimacy.

Not only will this help you feel more connected, but you are modeling great behavior for your children (I know, I know, we aren’t supposed to be talking about them right now, but really, we are parents, can we help it!?). In this crazy age of technology, I know it is so important to me, to teach my children that real intimate connection doesn’t happen over Facebook or email.

4. Be A Giver

Stop worrying about what you are getting out of the relationship and start thinking about what you can give. No happy relationship was ever focused around selfishness. Instead of concentrating on what your spouse isn’t doing, give attention to what you can do. I know this sounds silly to some, especially those struggling in their relationship. It is easy to say, well I feel unsupported, I feel I do everything and I get nothing, but think beyond the house, the chores. You have to remember that you are on the same team and that if one of you loses, you both lose. Instead think, what can I do to make my relationship better?

I struggle with this. I tend to think of all of the things that I do and expect the same kind of resolve from all members of my household. But, that isn’t fair. I cannot expect everyone to hit my standard, who made me the bar setter? I did, and that was the problem. Not that the standards are unattainable, they aren’t, but they are unreasonable in that they do not allow for the people that I love to just be. Becoming a giver has changed my relationship with everyone. It has also changed my relationship with myself. I feel good about the things I do for other people, whether I feel they are appreciated or not, because I know they came from a place of pure virtue. It feels so good to be that unselfish. Feeling good about yourself is the first and biggest step to feeling good in your relationship.

I am married to a great man, so being a giver, made him a giver as well. It has made my children givers and there is just so much love in this house.

5. Don’t Give Up

Marriage is not a past promise. Marriage is a choice that you make everyday. Everyday, you decide to forgive, to learn and grow together. Marriage is the hardest thing that we will ever face in our lives, but it is also, by far, the most rewarding. There is nothing in this world that is more worthy of your every effort. Love diminishes when we stop giving it. So never stop giving love.

Go now, connect, be in love. Love is the most important thing in our lives. Your chores, your work, it all can wait. Your love cannot and should not wait for a better time. We need to make ourselves and our relationships (with everyone) a priority. At the end of the day, when the house is a mess and the work isn’t done, it won’t matter, because no one has ever found happiness in an empty sink. But they sure as hell can find it with the person navigating life beside them.

Be sure to join us in our social media accounts to be up to date with the progress of our project!

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our hashtag

#BreastfeedingWorld

[col1][/col1]

[col2][/col2]

[col3][/col3]

Samantha Sykula

Born and raised in NY, I studied speech and language pathology at NYU. I am a stay at home mom to two beautiful children, Richard and Charlotte and wife to my wonderful husband, Rich. I have always had a deep love for learning, which has grown further since becoming a mother, I am always looking for new ways to enrich our lives. Becoming a mother changed my life, I learned compassion, caring and most importantly, true love. I hope to share the experiences of my breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, crocheting, full of love, life.

The post Fall In Love Again: 5 Ways To Strengthen Your Marriage appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

 While I’m sure the support of a spouse is an amazing plus when breastfeeding, as a single mother, I hardly agreed that it is crucial.

My son and I have been breastfeeding over twenty-one months strong, just him and I, and we have had, and continue to have, an amazing and very successful breastfeeding journey.  Although, I had no spousal or significant other support during any time during my pregnancy nor our breastfeeding journey, I did not go at it alone by any means. So the sharing of my photograph really caused me to pause and think about who deserved my sincere and utmost gratitude for being a supportive part of our breastfeeding journey, just as I hope reading this post will cause you to do the same.

To those doctors, nurses, and lactation counselors at Presby Plano

Thank you for starting us off on the breastfeeding path and giving us to the tools we needed for success from the beginning.  This hospital was phenomenal, and we came to know the staff quite well in the last six weeks of my pregnancy. You see my son felt determined to arrive weeks before his estimated arrival date.   But, from day one, they were advocates of breastfeeding.

They offered mothers, and spouses, a free breastfeeding class.  I remember attending and just soaking in the wealth of information, just waiting for our ‘Golden Hour’ and the first time my son nursed.  But, it’s not that easy.  They aren’t just born and BAM!! on the breast, easy as pie.

Thank goodness I had the support of the most amazing lactation consultants from the minute my son was born.  They were there, by my side, any time I needed them, and in one word, were just amazing!  Even after being discharged, for the last twenty-one months, they don’t miss a beat when I call with a question or stop by.  They truly care about our breastfeeding journey and have continued as an incredible support system for my son and I.

[col1][/col1]

[col2][/col2]

[col3][/col3]

To Sharni, Lydia, and Cheyenne, you gave us community, and for that I will forever be grateful.

As a teacher, I had to return to work for about eight weeks after my son was born.  Once out for summer though, I decided to visit our local Nappy Shoppe for their Breastfeeding Café.  The idea of meeting other new-er moms who were ‘crunchy’ like us sounded wonderful, plus it was free, with free access to a lactation counselor there for any questions I may have.

After the first visit, we were hooked!  We found ourselves spending almost entire Wednesdays at the store with the other breastfeeding mammas and their Littles.  We had found our niche, our community, our home-away-from home.  Cheyenne and Lydia, the lactation counselors, were so very knowledgeable and were so sweet.  I still go to them for advice and truly value what they say.  We also met some of our closest friends through this group.  There is nothing like other breastfeeding mammas, who will stand beside you and proudly nurse their Littles too, through think and thin!

To Angela, Stephanie, and Christine, you are my village.

I don’t know where I’d be without you three mothers (and friends).  I love you and your Littles!  You are so much more than just friends, you are the sisters I never had.  It means the world to me that I get to share motherhood, breastfeeding and all, with you three.  Thank you for being there. Day in and day out, and I so look forward to watching us grow as mothers and watching our Littles grow up together!

And finally, there are my parents and their spouses.

Mom and Rich, Dad and Terry, there are no words to tell you what you mean to us and to tell you how much we love and cherish you.  I know that things are very different now when it comes to breastfeeding than they were when I was little.  I’ve known for as long as I can remember that my mother breastfed me until I was eighteen months old, but it wasn’t until recently she told me that she never, ever breastfed me in public.  It was something she only did in the privacy of our home.

So, I understood that my openness in my breastfeeding journey might be hard for them to swallow.  But, while at times it may have been hard for them when I openly nurse my son in public, they continue to support me in my choice and our journey.  Whether I am walking through Hobby Lobby, holding and nursing my son, or breastfeeding him after a nice dinner out, they have always done whatever they can to help with our breastfeeding journey and support us. And that means the world to me.

So, I may not have had a spouse’s help. But I did (and still do) have an incredible amount of support behind me.

Thank you for cheering me on and making our extended breastfeeding journey possible.  It is to you all, that from the bottom of my heart, I say Thank You.  There are no words to describe how I will cherish this journey for the rest of my life.

I will always remember the part you played in it.

Who has helped you in your breastfeeding journey?  Would you be where you are in your journey today without them?  Have you been able to breastfeed longer and more successfully because of their support?  Maybe now is a great time to let them know just how much they have helped you. Show them how truly grateful you are!

Be sure to join us in our social media accounts to be up to date with the progress of our project!

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our HT #BreastfeedingWorld

–

[col1][/col1]

[col2][/col2]

[col3][/col3]

Save

Save

Allyson Lux

I am a single mom to the most amazing little boy in the entire world. He is the light of my life! We also have the two sweetest doggies who complete our little family. I am a high school teacher and a photographer, and am very passionate about breastfeeding, babywearing, attachment parenting, and raising my son in the most natural way possible!

www.myluxphotography.wix.com/home

The post To My True Support System: From a Single Mom, with Love appeared first on Breastfeeding World.