Every once in awhile, moms need to be told that they are enough.
Being a new mom is hard. Being any kind of mom is hard.
Moms continuously think about how everything around them is going to operate successfully before they put themselves in the equation.
If you’re a mom, like me, who co-sleeps and works 40 hours a week outside of the home, you can probably relate to my morning routine:
- Quietly slither out of bed without baby noticing. (Success!)
- Shower (but stop every few minutes to listen out if baby has woken up. Still asleep! Shower uninterrupted and successful!)
- Get dressed (but move every so quietly through the room as not to wake baby).
- Say “Hi” to baby (because opening that one drawer was LOUD enough to wake her up).
- Put baby on activity mat so you can complete Step 3.
- Dress baby
- Put diaper bag together.
- Gather your pump bag, lunch, and purse items together.
- Fix hair (not the baby’s, yours).
- Rush out of the house (because you were supposed to leave 25 minutes ago!).
- Go back into the house and get car keys.
I don’t even have time for make up in the morning at home, so I apply it when I get to work, in the 5 minutes I have inside the women’s restroom before my shift starts.
My morning routine is a hustle. After work is just the same:
- Get E from Grandma’s house (thank you, Madre for watching E!)
- Get home (usually by 7:30pm on most days).
- Change E’s diapers, then do a nursing session.
- Get E to sleep (ever met a kid who just went to bed when you said it was time to? No? There’s a reason for that).
- Eat dinner (if you’re more hungry than tired).
- Shower (after you’ve evaluated the cost-benefit of an evening and morning shower).
- Sleep (in whichever room you find yourself.)
I can’t even tell you when I brush my teeth, because it happens at some point in one of those steps – I just don’t know where.
My dishes don’t get washed every night like I was raised to do. My clean laundry sits in a pile all week long until the weekend, when I find some time to fold them. I never vacuum (thanks to Dad for doing this part!) and I literally put on whatever clean clothes I can find for work every morning.
The whole point of this?
Moms really don’t have time for anything leisure, especially mom-shaming.
So, if you’re out there criticizing a mother because her house is a mess, please stop. She doesn’t need to hear that you SEE her struggling, because you made a comment about her “messy house”. She doesn’t need to hear that YOU have time to cook every night for your family, then question why she doesn’t. What she NEEDS- is to be encouraged. Moms need to know they are enough.
Mom, you are enough.
Before we continue to criticize a mother for her choice in the way she keeps herself and her home or the way she raises her children, stop and think of what impact your words would have on her day.
Every mom mothers differently. Every mom has a routine that works perfectly for herself. It may not be the same as yours or her neighbors, but every mom tries her best to do what she can with the time she has, and still find it in herself to say confidently that she is a GREAT mom.
Remember, this woman multitasks like no other human on earth.
She is mentally running a marathon. Though she may hide it quite well, she is tired…especially tired of mom-shaming.
So, to all the moms out there who are juggling more than one “job” by being a mom, keeping up the house, working or volunteering, or watching a friend’s kid so that friend can go to the store to buy groceries, this one’s for you. Thank you for all you do.
You, and your family, and the organized chaos that you so sweetly have a handle on…is enough. And for that, you are loved.
Read more about building a village and encouraging moms here and be part of the community that embraces everything about motherhood. Join the movement on Instagram to End Mom Shaming with The Mama Stamp.
The Guam Daily Post published an original version of this article.
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Betty Rose is a writer and the voice behind the #MomLife Column. Born and raised on the Pacific Island of Guam, she now resides in Seattle, Washington. After having her first child, she began sharing her new role as a Chamorro mother living in the stats and continues to contribute feature stories of Pacific Island communities in other publications. She embraces the diversity, the struggles of motherhood and hopes that, through her writing, she can break and bring awareness to the barriers set on minority communities across the world.
