I have a wish deep down inside. With complete unison of thoughts and feelings, I wish that every mother truly believed she is enough. Enough; meaning plentiful, abundant, ample, competent, sufficient, the right amount. Have you ever heard a mother say, “Yeah, but I want to be more than enough”? Well, it’s impossible. She simply does not exist. Unfortunately, many will make themselves miserable trying to attain such perfection.

This is a serious sickness that is plaguing mothers in Western Society.

Striving is certainly nothing new. And it often comes from a place of good intention. But parents are almost constantly bombarded from Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. They are influienced with images on ‘How to Have “a Perfect Life.” Because of that, many mothers are burdened with surmounting pressure. Either they become paralyzed by feelings of inadequacy, or they get catapulted into an unhealthy frenzy of chasing an illusion of perfection. It truly is a chasing after the wind, and this is eroding away at the well being of genuinely good and excellent mothers. Mothers who are simply amazing, and who are enough for their children.

Other Posts You May Like:

[left] Moms need to be told they are enough, By Betty Cortez [/left]

[right] Motherhood and Priorities, Running after a Train You’ll never catch, By Lauren Lewis [/right]

[left] 7 Ways to Support your Nursing Wife, By  [/left]

[right] 3 Ways to Become a Mentally Strong Mom, By Paige Christian [/right]

Donald Winicott, a British pediatrician and psychoanalyst of the 1950’s observed an interesting phenomenon with thousands of mothers, their babies and children.

He came to the conclusion that babies and children actually benefit from imperfect parenting. Imagine that!

Children do really well when their mothers fail them in ordinary ways. The point is that as children grow, they need to learn from their mother or primary caretakers. The lesson: that they live in an imperfect world. And so they learn that that world doesn’t revolve around them. Winnicot coined a phrase called “The good enough mother” in honor of this process. It’s an important process. One which every child must go through in order to be resilient enough to withstand the dissatisfaction, disappointments, setbacks, and trials that will inevitably come their way throughout their lifetime.

So, the next time you’re struggling with that mommy guilt, or wondering if you are enough for your children, just remember that your short comings, your weaknesses, and imperfections do serve a purpose. Repeat aloud this mantra to yourself “I am a good mother.” Kids will be good enough adults if we give our good enough selves to them now. It’s not perfection, but it’s real and that is enough.

Be sure to join us in our social media accounts and get up to date with the progress of our project!

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our hashtag

#BreastfeedingWorld

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Paige Christian

I’m a proud midwesterner who loves the simple and beautiful things in life. I’m currently a SAHM and loving this season in life where I am privileged to be with my two precious toddlers all day and night. My career focus is in social work. I received my MSW from Asbury University in 2012 and am a licensed social worker. My passions are counseling, writing, researching, teaching, inspiring, and encouraging others, especially mothers. My mama style consists of breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby led weaning, baby wearing, and some positive parenting approaches. I’m also a mama blogger at My Joyful Nest where I like to encourage mothers on their own journeys.

www.myjoyfulnest.com

The post What You Should Know About the Perfection Plague Ruining our Motherhood appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

Some advice is welcome, and honestly many are not. After a few uninvited and unhelpful conversations, I felt exhausted. I remember thinking, “I didn’t sign up for this! After all, I thought it was just me and my husband having this baby!”

The reality is that words can put a lot of unnecessary burdens on us and can cause our minds and emotions to spin. I think we all struggle, to some degree, with keeping our opinions to ourselves. I think we also struggle, to some degree, with becoming easily offended. So, being mindful of this “two-sided coin” is really important as we journey through parenthood and that really applies to all areas of life.

With all that said, I want to briefly touch on the art of mothering the mother in Western society.

In a day, age and culture when information (past and present) is at our very fingertips, we are becoming less and less likely to learn from and lean in on our relationships. In one sense, we have so much privilege. Parents today have access to  a wealth of knowledge and advice. It is so readily available, but what unintended outcomes are we reaping? What are we missing out on? Ponder that for a moment.

It wasn’t so long ago, in our culture, that mothers were learning about becoming mothers from the generations of women in their lives. Women knew how to birth, how to care for a newborn, how to raise their children from the “apprenticeship” of their grandmothers, mothers, aunts, and sisters.

Though there is not one single way to learn how to be a mother, we must stay mindful of the fact that we are missing out on some beautiful moments. If we only rely upon books and the world-wide web for our best mothering advice.

“There is not one single way to learn how to be a mother…”

I think as we enter motherhood, what I’m hearing from other mothers, is that we long to be teachable and we long to be taught. But not from a stranger, not from the acquaintances we meet at various mom groups, and not from the internet. We want to learn from the women we are closest to. Can you imagine the richness, the bonds, the encouragement, the support that these close relationships had to offer? I think we can not only imagine it, but that we do get to taste it a bit; it’s not a tradition that we have completely lost, yet.

This generation of mothers needs to hold on. We need to find that balance between relationship building and internet researching. Let’s not lose the art of mothering the mother. My hope is that we can begin to seek counsel and mothering skills more from the women whom we are closest to rather than finding it in a Google search or asking Siri, because the well-being of the mother and that of her children depend upon those relationships.

To illustrate my point, in all honesty, I did a lot of my learning from reading the literature on pregnancy, newborn care, postpartum, and mothering; sure I got the information, however, my best and most influential pieces of mothering advice and learning came from my own mother, my mother in law, and from close and very dear friends who were already mothers. The experience of learning from them gave me confidence, reassurance, and encouragement that no other source could.

One of the most encouraging and preparatory heart to hearts came through a simple phrase:

“Just remember, the days are long and the years are short.”

We are told over and over how fast time flies by. How quickly our children will grow. And it’s not that we don’t believe it, but really, when it’s only 10am and you are in the “trenches” day after day of dirty diapers, tantrums, and toddler demands, even a few hours can feel like forever. Some days I just don’t know how I’m going to make it and keep everyone happy….I mean alive!

The reason this phrase has been so good and has stuck with me, is the validation I’ve received from it. When I recall the truth of this phrase, it’s like I’m joining hands with all the other mothers around the world and breathing encouragement into all of our hearts. It’s another way of saying,

“Yeah, I see you. I see how hard you are working. You are flexing patience like a warrior. I see you doing your best even when it’s hard. I can see your fierce love and it’s not in vain. You are right, the days ARE long, but you know that these YEARS are going by so fast. So choose to cherish as much as you can.”

I’m forever grateful for the women who have invested in me as a mother. Please, don’t miss the opportunity to have the same investment and advice in your life!

If you’re tired of all the advice, of all the parenting articles, books, and blogs, just go ask the woman who makes you feel most like a mother.

Be sure to join us in our social media accounts to be up to date with the progress of our project!

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our hashtag

#BreastfeedingWorld

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Paige Christian

I’m a proud midwesterner who loves the simple and beautiful things in life. I’m currently a SAHM and loving this season in life where I am privileged to be with my two precious toddlers all day and night. My career focus is in social work. I received my MSW from Asbury University in 2012 and am a licensed social worker. My passions are counseling, writing, researching, teaching, inspiring, and encouraging others, especially mothers. My mama style consists of breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby led weaning, baby wearing, and some positive parenting approaches. I’m also a mama blogger at My Joyful Nest where I like to encourage mothers on their own journeys.

www.myjoyfulnest.com

The post Are You Tired of all the Mothering Advice? appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

I’m guessing whoever coined the phrase had never pumped breastmilk. I mean “liquid gold” as many mothers like to call it, and rightly so. The sentiment is understandable- don’t make a mountain out of an ant hill. But we mothers often give ourselves too many reasons not to cry. Maybe we feel like we have to be “strong” for our kids. Or maybe we just feel too tired to let out all of our emotion. Do you ever find yourself holding back the tears? Do you find it difficult to give yourself permission to cry? We’ve all been there.

To start off, there are lots of interesting facts about crying. Did you know that there are three different types of tears? Basal tears, which regularly lubricate the eyes and support vision. Reflex tears that flow when the eyes are irritated. Emotional tears, which are released during an emotional surge, such as joy or sadness. An even more fascinating fact is that our tears are identifiable and look unique from one another under a microscope, showing that tears of grief look significantly different from tears of laughter!

So what happens to us when we cry? What are the benefits?

Some interesting research suggests that crying can help you feel better. But it all depends on a number of factors, such as cultural and social circumstances. For example, crying at work in front of co-workers may make you feel worse and uncomfortable. Whereas crying on the shoulder of a close friend may make you feel safe and quite a bit better. One thing research does tell us is that crying overall does release a “feel good” hormone, which boosts our mood and increases our tolerance to pain. If you get into the habit of holding back the tears, you will miss out on these benefits. Crying is closely linked to our mental, emotional, and physical health, so it’s important to be aware of our crying habits, or lack thereof.

Not only does releasing the floodgates do wonders for you and your health, but it also provides opportunities to validate, model, and teach your kids about healthy expression of emotions.

Naturally, babies cry to communicate, toddlers cry when they don’t get their way, but somewhere between middle school and adulthood, we internalize negative messages about crying and we do our best to work against that natural response. Somehow we unlearn our need to cry. I’m here to tell you that releasing your tears is not only okay, but good for you. And if you are still struggling to believe it, consider this powerful quote from Washington Irving:

“There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”

Be sure to join us in our social media accounts to be up to date with the progress of our project!

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our hashtag

#BreastfeedingWorld

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Paige Christian

I’m a proud midwesterner who loves the simple and beautiful things in life. I’m currently a SAHM and loving this season in life where I am privileged to be with my two precious toddlers all day and night. My career focus is in social work. I received my MSW from Asbury University in 2012 and am a licensed social worker. My passions are counseling, writing, researching, teaching, inspiring, and encouraging others, especially mothers. My mama style consists of breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby led weaning, baby wearing, and some positive parenting approaches. I’m also a mama blogger at My Joyful Nest where I like to encourage mothers on their own journeys.

www.myjoyfulnest.com

The post Mama, This is Why it’s Absolutely OK to Cry appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

If you’ve ever ran an actual marathon or even just a short race, you know that physical strength and endurance is only half the battle. It takes a great amount of mental muscle, determination, perseverance, and willpower to finish a race. Being a mom not only requires all of the above, but also a total shift and transformation of her entire identity, and she will need all of the mental strength she can gather in order to wherewithal the changes and blossom through the motherhood journey.

Living in the Western World, our culture, talks a lot about mothers and their postpartum bodies.

You read about “How to Get Your Body Back” and “How to Love Those Tiger Stripes.” You see Celebrities flaunting their bikinis just weeks after birth, and you keep reminding yourself about the airbrushing. You hear about your mommy friend’s new meal plan and workout program. The messages are everywhere we turn. Now, there is certainly nothing wrong with promoting physical health and strength to mothers, but I think we can agree that there is certainly a lack of balance when it comes to promoting wholeness.

There’s no shortage of information and resources available to mothers who want to improve their physical health and physique, but what about maternal mental health? I’m not just talking about awareness related to perinatal mood disorders, like postpartum depression and anxiety, etc. I’m also talking about the mental fortitude and strength that it takes to have a healthy, happy, and sound mind while mothering. Even mothers who do not struggle with any form of mental illness lack necessary skills for being mindful.

The reality is that we need more resources- and more talk- about mental wellness.

So, in an effort to build up the mothering mind, I’m going to share 3 helpful tips that all mothers can apply to their daily lives that will improve their mental health. (Keep in mind that there are many more than just these 3, but 3 are a good starting place.)

1. Check Your Thoughts.

There’s nothing more frustrating for a mother than when she is playing with her children, enjoying her time with them, and suddenly be interrupted by a negative thought that affects her mood and state of mind. You don’t want to waste energy on thoughts that are counterproductive to what you are doing or wanting to accomplish. Most people believe every thought that they ever have is true, but this is simply not the case. If you can pause and quickly evaluate your thoughts more often, especially the ones that bring up strong emotions, you can begin to weed out the ones that are simply not true and move on.

Here’s the deal, we are our own worst critics, and we can easily ruminate or mull over negative thoughts concerning ourselves, which can then lead us to think critically of others including our spouses, our children, and our friends, which will only drain mental strength and tear down our closest relationships. For those thoughts, the ones tied to strong emotions and that do ring true, give yourself permission to stop thinking about it in the present. Decide on a more appropriate time when you can spend more mental energy figuring it out. Thinking about your thoughts,may sound odd. But building an awareness of how you think will help you change your unproductive or unhelpful thought patterns, which will lead to changes in how you feel and behave.

2. Practice Gratitude.

At times, we as mothers can get caught up in comparing ourselves to other mothers. Have you ever heard of ‘mommy wars’? Well, the real battle is within ourselves. We might look around and feel like we don’t measure up to certain standards. Thoughts and feelings such as jealousy, or frustration, or inferiority can surface and drain our mental energies. Such toxic emotions can also ruin relationships and isolate us. So, in order to help keep your thoughts in check, replace negative and untrue thoughts with grateful ones. In this way, you will help build up resiliency.

An attitude and mindset fixed on gratitude is a great way to keep your life in perspective.

Many people feel surprised by how much better they feel when they spend more time thinking about the things they are thankful for, instead of focusing on what they do not have. In fact, there are many benefits outside of psychological ones that are worth practicing gratitude for. It doesn’t take too much effort to come up with at least one thankful thought, once you get the ball rolling. Before long, you will discover that you have filled your heart with appreciation and your mind filled with happier thoughts. The tune you carry within will be felt by your children. Naturally, they are acutely attuned to your attitude. Just remember, happy song, happy mom.

3. Be Compassionate Toward Yourself.

Do you ever feel like you just keep missing the mark? Maybe your expectations of what motherhood should be are constantly being shot down? As mentioned earlier, we can be our own worst enemy. And if we are hard on ourselves,then we are likely to treat our family and friends in a similar way.

A mother’s standard is usually set pretty high. And though there is nothing wrong with this, an expectation that is unrealistic can cause frustration and some mental fog. Mom might feel like she has to do everything herself and she may have a difficult time asking for help. The secret? Self-Compassion! Set realistic goals, and love who you are by being gracious and kind to yourself. Accept the fact that motherhood is messy and beautiful. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Remind yourself that you are doing your very best, and that is all you need. Loving yourself will help keep you mentally strong for whatever trials come your way.

So, as you can see, the work that we do with our minds is similar to how we train our physical bodies. It takes time, consistency, and work to build those mental muscles. We must be intentional about rewiring our thought processes; they don’t just happen on their own. Though it may not be easy, the evidence give us hope and encouragement to change our old way of thinking for something new and refreshing. Being a mentally strong mom simply allows us to enjoy our motherhood journeys more. You are worth it.

Be sure to join us in our social media accounts to be up to date with the progress of our project!

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our hashtag

#BreastfeedingWorld

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Paige Christian

I’m a proud midwesterner who loves the simple and beautiful things in life. I’m currently a SAHM and loving this season in life where I am privileged to be with my two precious toddlers all day and night. My career focus is in social work. I received my MSW from Asbury University in 2012 and am a licensed social worker. My passions are counseling, writing, researching, teaching, inspiring, and encouraging others, especially mothers. My mama style consists of breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby led weaning, baby wearing, and some positive parenting approaches. I’m also a mama blogger at My Joyful Nest where I like to encourage mothers on their own journeys.

www.myjoyfulnest.com

The post 3 Ways to Become a Mentally Strong Mom appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

Outside of pregnancy, breastfeeding is a journey that will require more of her than she ever thought possible. Any nursing mother knows the hard work and dedication, the pain and the tears, the closeness and the joy, the consistent surrendering and offering of her own body to meet the needs of her baby. It’s a powerful and beautiful bond that is unique and personal between each mother and baby.

Now you would think that something so natural as breastfeeding would come easy, and at times it does, but just as mother nature has these things called natural disasters, breastfeeding mothers have trials of their own that they have to overcome. Thankfully there are many resources and a plethora of information available for breastfeeding mothers.

However, in comparison to the amount of information concerning the beginning and middle phases of breastfeeding, there’s not as much openness or talk about the ending phases of breastfeeding in relation to a mother’s emotions.

Have you ever heard of post-weaning depression?

In my experience, I felt unprepared for how sad and even disappointed I would feel when both of my children self-weaned. I remember in the very early days, dreaming about the end of breastfeeding.  I couldn’t imagine that breastfeeding would get any easier, let alone become enjoyable- but it did. Toward the middle of our journey, I found myself wanting to nurse until my youngest turned two. Then, just a few months after her first birthday, she self weaned. When the end came, the last drop of milk gone, I was left with salty tears. In some ways it felt like a rejection by my own children. I always thought that I would initiate the end of our breastfeeding relationship. I found myself experiencing loss, and didn’t feel ready to give up the one thing that only I could provide for my babies.

After researching, reading, and confiding in other mothers, I found that my feelings towards weaning were very common.

In fact, many mothers experience feelings of sadness and even depression during and after the weaning process. Weaning marks a significant change in the mother-child relationship. There’s also research which shows that hormonal changes play a part in these feelings of sadness. Hormone levels of oxytocin and prolactin, which create feelings of happiness, drop during the weaning process. I discovered that it was also normal for mothers to feel relieved and happy during and after the weaning process. Some mothers feel completely “touched out” and are ready for the transition. Sometimes the child has a harder time letting go of the breastfeeding relationship. Other mothers may experience anxiety, irritability, or mood swings.

The point is that there are various reasons for weaning, and there are variations of normal when it comes to how a mother and child may feel during and after that process. The important part is for mom to be aware and able to recognize and accept those emotions, whatever they are, and then find a new normal for herself, the child, and their relationship.

Finally, If you are having a difficult time coping with some of these feelings and need help finding a new normal, look here for some excellent tips. And if difficult feelings don’t subside after a few weeks of weaning, don’t be afraid or hesitant to seek professional help.

Read Now, or Pin for later. Whatever you choose, we thank you for helping our mission to normalize breastfeeding by “sharing the breastfeeding love.”

Taking care of yourself is the best decision you could make for you and your family, and rest assured that other moms have been there. The ending of breastfeeding can be just as difficult as it was starting out, but try to treasure the time that you had, and remember there is hope for feeling better, and new adventures to be had with your child. We get it, and we are cheering you on!

Be sure to join us in our social media accounts to be up to date with the progress of our project!

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our hashtag

#BreastfeedingWorld

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Paige Christian

I’m a proud midwesterner who loves the simple and beautiful things in life. I’m currently a SAHM and loving this season in life where I am privileged to be with my two precious toddlers all day and night. My career focus is in social work. I received my MSW from Asbury University in 2012 and am a licensed social worker. My passions are counseling, writing, researching, teaching, inspiring, and encouraging others, especially mothers. My mama style consists of breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby led weaning, baby wearing, and some positive parenting approaches. I’m also a mama blogger at My Joyful Nest where I like to encourage mothers on their own journeys.

www.myjoyfulnest.com

The post What happens to me when my baby is weaning? appeared first on Breastfeeding World.