Katherine Hovey – Breastfeeding World

Reflections of the greatest love: Bring your daughter to work day

Katherine Hovey — Thu, 26 Apr 2018 19:56:59 +0000

Once upon a time you may have believed that you and your spouse’s relationship was the greatest love story of all time.

I’m willing to bet that was all before you had any children. I’m not saying that the love between spouses or significant others doesn’t matter in comparison to the passion you feel as a parent, however it’s incomparable and far more intense when it is for your child.

Speaking of parent and child relationships, did you know that today is Bring your Daughter to Work Day? It’s also the Month of the Military Child and in order to honor both or those occasions I created a list of all the reasons children are amazing and do wonderful things for us as parents every day.

1. We Experience Unconditional Love

They challenge us and make us smarter for it. I’m sure you remember telling yourself that long division was something you could never forget, or how to solve an equation (PEMDAS anyone?). Little did we know we’d be in our 20’s and 30’s having to quickly teach ourselves how to not only figure out long division the old fashion way, but now relearn it with these new methods with a youtube video in the pantry before your kid can find you and realize you’re less knowledgeable than you lead on to be…

2. They Remind Us How Great The World Truly Is

While you’re stressed out typing away a report for work or frustrated because the dryer is stuffed with lint your little girl is curious about all the “Why’s”…I don’t know about you, but if your child hasn’t made you contemplate the universe itself from all her questions then you have to think harder about what she’s really asking.

“Why is mommy moving really fast and yelling at the machine?”

Seriously, why IS mommy so mad and angry at the dryer? Deep down we know that isn’t going to do anything to benefit ourselves, so why do we continue to feel such a negative fueling emotion? Not to mention–have you ever just tried to see things from a babies perspective before? No, really. I mean getting onto all fours or laying on your back to try and pin point what the heck your baby is giggling at when all you see is the fan on your ceiling. A baby sees a dangling object floating above in the air above her. However, as an adult we have the opportunity to appreciate the finer things behind how it’s even possible for that fan to exist. The blades are held by a metal paddle which is connected to the outer shell of the motor, which screws hold in place. (Screws alone are fascinating. Who the heck was genius enough to create a screw?! Those things hold our world together!)

There’s so much life appreciation and gratitude we can learn from these pure minds.

3. Raising Girls Make You Rethink Societal Standards.

As a mother who tries her best to exhume self love, raising a girl in a world of young make up artists and never ending options to enhance natural beauty is not easy. Just like there’s a fine line between teaching your girl to stand up to bullies with force versus knowing when exactly to stand down and tell an adult.

As parents we’re taught to lead by example, but who are WE supposed to look up to? Society doesn’t do a very good job of cheering on the realism of the world, so it’s up to us to decide what the “norm” is.

I’ve learned that for everything you wish to teach your daughter you must implement into your own routine.

The best part about young girls (and children in general at young ages) is their innocence to societal rules and norms. When they see their mothers get dressed in the morning they see beauty no matter what they wear. Same goes for the makeup they choose to put on and all other decisions.

We know kids question many things. The rules parents implement is certainly a big one to question. As parents we spend a lot of time trying to protect our children at the same as raising them to be strong individuals, but our biggest flaw is neglecting to parent and be kind to ourselves. The confidence we pass onto our children is hardly ever implemented within ourselves. We live in a world where its unbelievably easy to pretend or recreate who we are as people, including looks and in order for our impressionable girls to believe what we want them to we need to believe it for ourselves. We are our worst critics and our children are our biggest confidence boosters.

4. Girls Radiate Energy and Exhume Happiness.

Even under the toughest of circumstances and stressful of times I can always look over at my daughter to find a smile pasted across her face. They have the lightest of hearts and know no evil. It is the most contagious feeling in the world to watch your children run and play for hours without a lapse in happiness, not to mention seeing them get right back up after falling down.

So on this day of stress remember that you have a little one staring up at you like you’re the tallest and most magnificent creature they’ve ever seen. They admire the way you pour water into a glass and as a matter of fact they admire how quick you are to catching the glass when they “accidentally” tipped it over.

Rather instead of buckling at the craziness of bringing your sweet daughter to work today, take the day to live by her rules.

Slow down and look at the world in pure amazement. We only get this day once, so if you can, dedicate your world to her a little extra today.

Be sure to join us on our social media accounts and be up to date with the progress of our project.

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using the hashtag

#BreastfeedingWorld

Katherine Hovey

Katherine Hovey is a young first time mom, stationed on Guam, living life over 7,900 air miles away from her home and everyone she knows as she navigates her place in life as a mother. Currently she is studying to become a Certified Medical Assistance and spends her free time volunteering as a writer for Soldier’s Angels and a part time freelance photographer. Katherine’s motivation is the compassion she has for others. Ultimately she wishes to reach out and impact every life she can touch. Whether that’s getting the chance to help out a family in need, finding a home for an abandoned dog or getting the opportunity to hear someone’s story. She is an avid people person yearning to make a change and leave her mark on this world while never ceasing to observe the world’s lost beauty. If you’d like to learn more about Katherine you can find her on YouTube and Instagram at Hoveylife.

www.youtube.com/channel/UCGLjPPckEfB4M3QOKf-TQ3g

The post Reflections of the greatest love: Bring your daughter to work day appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

When Mom Guilt Kicks In

Katherine Hovey — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 20:27:32 +0000

Mom guilt is real.

It’s a fact for most mothers. It hits us when we need it the least, settles in and cracks our hearts. Your child falls. Their head hits the bottom corner of your coffee table within the blink of an eye. And instantly you feel like the worst person on the planet. In addition to nearly crying with your screaming baby, your can’t help but swell up with a trillion ideas on how you could have prevented the situation from happening in the first place. An instance that is now in the past–it’s over–all that matters now is the comfort and well being of your child. Yet we moms can only think “What if…”, we grab our babes, cuddle, and think “If only I had just…”.

To someone who isn’t a mother, this could simply be disregarded as dramatic overthinking. However, I think once one becomes a mother, the feeling of anxiety gets programmed into their DNA and is meant to go hay wire the second something starts to go wrong. Guilt can be assessed on a spectrum: there’s guilt on the far left, guilt on the far right and more guilt in between. Do you find yourself on the spectrum?

When we’re confused, our bodies have funny ways of coping during tough situations.

Many responses happen to be very instinctively and others just plain rash and unhelpful. So, I’ve created a list of the most helpful and sensible ways to react when mommy guilt it kicks in, that has worked from my experience.

1. Accept your feelings for what they are

Right now you may be feeling a sense of shame or pain in something that has happened to you or your child. This is where your fight or flight reaction shines. If you’re like me, you take the time to wallow in the guilt and replay the scenario over and over again, regardless if this is a situation of me wanting time alone or freaking out about my baby taking a spill on the carpet.

Then there are others who instinctively fight. No, I don’t mean literally fight with yourself or your baby, but rather fight for a healthier mind set. The best way to initiate combating these thoughts and fears is to accept them as possibilities. Yes, your baby just fell. Yes you’re going to get that alone time, and you may very well enjoy it and forget about your baby all together, but in order to move past these unforgiving thoughts you need to not shame yourself.

Do not let the guilt turn into shame.

Remind yourself that your moral character is never in question. These scenarios occur based off of actions and decisions alone. You are not a bad mother because something happened that you didn’t plan on or stop from occurring. If you go on to blame who you are as a person then the guilt going to manifest itself into something beyond what it truly is.

2. Be prepared to analyze how you reacted

Just this past week my daughter fell ill with a terrible stomach bug. We were trying to get back into our normal routine, but because she’s still feeling nauseous it’s made her a bit wobbly and weaker during play time. I told myself that I should reposition the couch and move it closer to the foam mat because it shifted. Well, I never did it. And not even 30 minutes later my baby was clinging onto the couch and lost her grip, fell backwards and smacked her head– half on the mat and half on the tile flooring.

I felt horrible, blaming myself for the entire situation.

Instantly I thought, If only I’d moved the couch or didn’t allow her to play as normal because she’s sick...

I figured that would have prevented all the hurt for the both of us.

At first this may seem hypocritical of the step above, but there’s a distinction between the two. Wallowing in your sorrows is certainly not the same as taking a step back to asses what just happened, that would mean that no progress had been made and that the only thoughts would be of those demeaning you as a person.

In order to analyze our levels of guilt, like all measurements, we need a scale and there is one for this exact exercise. The Taxonomy of Guilt was created by a professor of psychological and brain sciences, Susan Whitbourne, at UMASS Amherst.

“Guilt comes in many forms. But when all is said and done, it can be boiled down to a set of five basic types.”

With that said, here are the 5 types of guilt and their causes, as developed by Whitbourne:

Superstitious Guilt: This is felt after you believe to have set something in motion, for example wishing ill on somebody and then finding out they’re in the hospital a week later.
Survivors Guilt: Not having suffered the way that others have.
Self Guilt: About something you did.
Scarcity Guilt: Referred to as caregivers guilt, most mom guilt lands in this category. It’s felt when you think you’ve not done enough for someone in need.
Fantasy Guilt: This happens when you feel guilty for something you haven’t done

Applying the scale to help asses which level of guilt I felt when my daughter fell is fairly simple. In that moment I was feeling superstitious guilt because of having the thought of an accident happening without my moving the couch, which at the time I believed her fall was my fault for not preventing a hypothetical issue. Without assessing, this could easily be blamed on Self Guilt. However, when you separate your feelings and morals in question, from your actions and thoughts, you can clearly see which level this scenario lands under.

3. Say bye-bye to choosing self esteem over acceptance

This is going to be short and sweet. As humans, to survive an unsatisfied mentality our brains compensate for a lack in proud moments and thoughts, by choosing to not focus on the negative aspects of ourselves. This becomes an issue when something bad happens to us or our children because we tend to expose those feelings when we’re already down. It seems to be human nature to beat ourselves up more than we need to and saving those negative impressions of ourselves is the worst (but best) way to do that.

What do I mean by choosing self acceptance over self esteem? Simple.

The moment you make a mistake or do something wrong, learn from it, tell yourself it will be okay and move on.

Acting perfect and presuming nothing ever goes wrong in your life is going to make things that much harder when it comes time to admit your concerning thoughts. This is because it will be much harder to discuss a plethora of problems of your own with someone you’ve never brought them up to before. Labels never settle well so stop calling yourself “good” or “bad,” yet just look to yourself with an open heart and let things be.

Find solace in knowing that you will never be perfect, nobody ever is, but you are enough and that is exactly what matters.

Finding self-acceptance can take days, weeks, months, or years and sometimes people go an entire life time without discovering it within themselves. Take a few moments to try this next step to help kick start your self acceptance journey.

4. Be your own cheerleader

Who needs a BF when you have a confident outlook on yourself. Self-confidence is one of those things that is ALWAYS easier said than done. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

There is one simple exercise that will help you cope with self inflicted guilt. It will also encourage you to feel more confidence as a mother! Remember back in middle school health class, or when you were talking to your schools counselor, and they told you how to give self affirmations? In a way this is just like that, but from a more concentrated perspective.

Grab a pen and a paper. If you’re feeding a baby or too tired to get up, simply use your phone, or do this in your head. First, make a list of 5 positive things you’ve done for your baby or children today. This can be anything from preparing their favorite meal to changing their diaper the moment you noticed it was dirty…anything. It doesn’t have to be anything grand, just the great things that make you a mother. Maybe you bought your son a new toy or cleaned the floors in your daughters room. Easy right? Keep going, write five more.

Is it all starting to flow now? Maybe today was a day about you and you’re having a hard time thinking of things. If so, write down what you did today to help yourself be a better person, like taking a shower to rejuvenate yourself to be peppier when taking care of your littles (or taking a break to read a book to calm your stress so that you’re more positive when addressing your family). All of these things matter and are GOOD!

Next I want you to take a minute and realize the impact each of those actions has.

A pretty big impact, and an important one at that!

“Often we don’t thank ourselves for the good things, rather we spend too much time focusing on the negative.”

The society we live in has programmed our brains to over think the negative aspects of our day to day life. Really think about it. Each morning and night we hear tragedy after tragedy on the news leaving room for maybe one happy story during the news reel. How often do you leave a review for a business when you’ve had a positive experience? Not that often, right? But what if someone has done you wrong? You’re all over that! That business will never sell another cupcake to anyone if you have anything to do about it (by the way, they gave you blue frosting instead of pink…yeah I know, people).

And guess what, we do the exact same thing to our self esteems.

We need to give our awesome mom brains more credit for doing the dishes later rather than not at all. Thank yourself for deciding to pick up the minefield of legos your child left for you “play” with. Thank you for doing what you do! You’re awesome and have a lot more successes to focus on than you know.

Be sure to join us in our social media accounts and be up to date with the progress of our project!

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our hashtag

#BreastfeedingWorld

Katherine Hovey

www.youtube.com/channel/UCGLjPPckEfB4M3QOKf-TQ3g

The post When Mom Guilt Kicks In appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

The Truth Behind “Moobs”

Katherine Hovey — Wed, 17 Jan 2018 13:00:07 +0000

I debated writing this for a solid week now. I’ve been going back and forth in my mind between this and safer topics such as: ‘the best baby toys to keep your baby occupied long enough to wash a sink full of dishes” and “why the hell did someone invent snaps when zippers are clearly meant for the lazy?” But in the end, my heart knew best what it wanted to express to the world.

I’m going to expose my self conscious side for a bit here. I hope that part in all of you is able to relate. So, boobs. Let’s just get that out of the way.

What are ‘Moobs’?

Plural noun of Moob, pronounced like boobs with an ‘m.’ Moobs is the combination of the words ‘mom’ and ‘boobs’ otherwise known as ‘Mom boobs.” Typically referred to as large and saggy breasts, used to take on the beautiful job of feeding a child. Also, something moms are embarrassed or ashamed by at least once during motherhood. Rather a mother should be proud of her moobs as they too represent the beauty and strength in being a mom.

A love hate relationship with my breasts

Today, I was sitting on my phone picking out the perfect picture for a new Instagram post from a photo session my husband did with my daughter and I. Instantly, I found myself nit picking and judging my own body. I was in love with one particular photo, it captured both my daughter and I smiling at the SAME TIME (unheard of) and the lighting was just right, the focus was on point and the photo just oozed happiness. Oddly enough, it was taken on a day I actually felt very attractive. I was wearing a brand new romper that I was overly excited to finally fit into, in addition to my favorite sandals that go with every outfit. I made an effort to braid my hair and I felt sexy, but somehow in that moment the socially aware part of my brain started to scream…

“No!! You have such ‘mom boobs.’ Don’t you dare expose the possibility that your breasts aren’t perfect! They ruin this photo.“

In my mind, that’s the truth.

An ugly and hurtful truth, but truth nonetheless. And that’s simply due to the fact that, in my head, the breasts I now wear aren’t normal.

They no longer sit high on their own as they once did. For the past 18 years of my life before becoming pregnant, I was used to embracing my perfectly small, B cup sized breasts and the beauty of never having to wear a bra. So my now enlarged, to double their original sized, breasts are something I’m not quite accustomed to.

Several months postpartum and here we are, still struggling to find all of my self confidence again. But, similar to stretch marks, my breasts are an image of mother hood. A beautiful one at that. They represent a healthy baby, a well fed child. They represent the many months we’ve endured together in our breastfeeding journey. My breasts are a reminder of the intense and magical bond I share with my daughter and I want to be proud of that, not ashamed.

Will my boobs fix themselves like my vagina did?

Scientifically speaking, it is more than just possible for your breasts to regain elasticity similar to their sister body part, the vagina. It is no secret the vagina goes back to her normal placement within months after childbirth. It’s a flat-out myth that your breasts sag due to breastfeeding… We can thank pregnancy for that! This occurs when our bodies are pumped with raging hormones causing extra blood volume, that results in swelling in our breast tissue. Our boobs fill with milk in preparation for baby and the weight of the engorgement are part of the reason the breasts have such a high potential to sag.

Your breasts are very mobile because they’re attached to the muscles of your chest wall by thin bands also known as Cooper’s Ligaments. Your breasts contain no muscle and aren’t pulled very taut, so it’s easy for even the slightest weight increase to result in the tiniest bit of drooping.

It’s TOTALLY normal and a BEAUTIFUL thing!

In order for our breasts to make room to carry milk for our babies, our breasts have to let go of the fat around the glandular tissue, so that it can be replaced with milk. Typically, when breastfeeding ceases, women find that anywhere from several weeks to months after, their breasts regain fatty tissue and fullness. Often, when she returns to pre-pregnancy weight, it becomes more likely the breasts will return close to normal! Can you believe that? Neither can I because I’m still breastfeeding and waiting for that day to hit me in the face!

Finding the empowerment to go on…

I wear all sorts of weird and unexpected sizes now. Even though I’m nearing seven months postpartum, I’m still taking my time figuring out all these new things about myself. One of those fantastic things, is finding the courage and confidence to embrace my new self and the beauty I already hold.

It’s not an easy task to take on. We all know from experiencing the ages 10-17, that puberty is all about maturing. About continuing to find new ways to be confident in who we are as individuals. It takes years to find comfort in our body types! Then pregnancy just comes along and strips that away to a blank slate.

However, there’s nothing more refreshing than starting over when things are complicated. It’s far more beautiful to experience finding yourself when you have a new vision for the world. As mothers we adopt traits we didn’t posses before. Like, unconditional love. One truly doesn’t know unconditional love until they’ve had a child. There is not a thing more beautiful than viewing something through a mothers perspective.

So, if you too are struggling with any piece of your mom body, just think about what you would tell your child if they confided this problem to you. What would your mother tell you? You’ve worked hard to bring so much joy and love into this world. Why doesn’t your body deserve it too?

Be sure to join us in our social media accounts and be up to date with the progress of our project!

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our hashtag

#BreastfeedingWorld

Katherine Hovey

www.youtube.com/channel/UCGLjPPckEfB4M3QOKf-TQ3g

The post The Truth Behind “Moobs” appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

A Mother’s Worst Fear

Katherine Hovey — Wed, 27 Dec 2017 13:00:55 +0000

I lay here and watch her eat

My baby girl, who’s only 4 months old. Not often do I think of the future, our future, her future because it is simply too hard to grasp. I still can’t even believe she is here.

But in this moment, just for a brief minute, I think to myself about everything I saw and went through as a child, a teenager and newly adult.

I picture her in my shoes; as the popular kid, the unwanted “weirdo”, and the genius loner sitting in a corner of the cafeteria by herself because nobody understands why the teacher favors her grades and delightful attitude over rambunctious behavior.

I lay here and watch her play and I’m amazed, because, she too will learn unthinkable lessons over the years. But, I worry about her being the kid, picked on because of a simple difference. I worry about her not having friends or feeling left out, due to the lack of care of her peers.

This worries me the most

Because kids don’t think like parents until they become one themselves. I never thought of my parents the same as my school friends and neither will she. She will never look at me in that way. Not until she becomes a mother, to a child of her own. And that is frightening. She will probably never take my word when I tell her how amazing she is and how she is worthy of the greatest things in life.

Society will instill fear, and she will be taught to loathe rather than love herself. She will learn to push me outside of a closed door, never allowing me to know her deepest secrets or impending worries.

I lay here watching her smile, clueless and uncaring about the world she is growing into. I want to pull her to my chest and keep her young and innocent forever. Unaware of the destruction this cruel world will bring to her precious heart. She is an angel and has changed my world in so many beautiful ways, so I know she has the power to do that for others too.

I lay here watching her sleep, not a bad dream in her mind

Only ones where her toy slips away from her reach, but is soon replaced with a loving embrace and another meal.

Brief sadness, that is all she knows. I now know a mother’s sadness, her impending fear. And, I wish I had realized it when I too was in her shoes.

[left]

Be sure to join us in our social media accounts and be up to date with the progress of our project!

And… Don’t forget to share your brelfies using our hashtag

#BreastfeedingWorld

[/left]

[right][/right]

Katherine Hovey

www.youtube.com/channel/UCGLjPPckEfB4M3QOKf-TQ3g

The post A Mother’s Worst Fear appeared first on Breastfeeding World.