We first met in September 2015

Newborn

I remember the heady, sleepless days of his babyhood. How he would nurse with vigor: constantly, incessantly, hungrily. It used to feel like I might never satisfy his need for milk, but still, we continued. Through tongue ties, vasospasm and mastitis (on Christmas Day!), breast milk seemed enough to get us through it all.

I remember the first time I nursed in public: the anxiety coursing through my veins, expectantly awaiting a rude comment. How funny, two years on, and we still have never received a wrong-word.

Mama’s milk

I think about when, at 3 months old, breastfeeding had become ‘easy’ – the pain of the early days had ceased. And, I had begun to enjoy it more. It was then that I began to feel a strong passion for breastfeeding. How my initial goal of reaching a year had changed to getting to the WHO minimum recommendation of 2. Funny, now we’re there, and my goals have changed again. After all, children really do only get older a day at a time.

Through sickness and hospital stays

Changes

At 4 months, so began the sleep regression, still engrained in my mind, as a time straight from hell. I remember so vividly wondering whether I would ever sleep for more than 20 minutes again. But still, we continued to breastfeed.

At 6 months, with his first taste of food, I remember being worried that food might replace milk very quickly. I was wrong: my hungry boy seemed to have two separate stomachs – one for milk and one for food.

Comfort, nutrition

At 7 months, I recall how those first 4 front teeth burst through his gums, and my fear of being bitten. It rarely happened, and I laugh at my worries now as I nurse a toddler with all 20 of his baby teeth.

I remember, at 8 months old, I returned to work. I recall the devastating feeling of loss I carried with me as my engorged breasts swelled every time I thought of my son. The evenings brought with them reconnection; nursing sessions which lasted whole nights, that helped us to stay close despite our day time separation.

The perfect connection

Into Toddlerhood

I remember, we survived a nursing strike when he was one, following a nasty bout of hand, foot and mouth. How I cried at the thought of never nursing my little love again. The strike was brief, fleeting really, in the timeline of our journey, but oh so worrying. How would I ever have known that this would be the first of 3 nursing strikes (to date) and that we would overcome them all?

Little, yet determined

At 14 months, I recall how my gorgeous boy found his feet – and with the realization that he could run off, came a new-found air of independence. But still, we found ourselves nursing on, breast milk always the ever-still calm after the toddler-storm.

Sometimes breastfeeding looks like this

At 15 months came the language explosion, and I remember my initial embarrassment at my fierce, loud boy shouting ‘boobies mummy!’ at my chest at the top of his voice in the supermarket. Who would have thought that at two, I’d be engaging in public negotiations over when would be a good time to nurse, and how mid-hair cut might not be the best opportunity.

I remember how all the events, the big ones and the little ones, have been peppered by nursing sessions. Every day, every single day, for the past 2 years, I have breast fed my son.

‘And beyond’

As I sit here, on the eve of his second birthday, I cannot believe how far we’ve come, how important nursing is to our relationship. Yes, it’s changed: no longer is my boy a small, quiet, suckling babe in arms. More often, I am breastfeeding a child who sincerely wishes I could detach a boob so he could play and nurse. But, as the light draws in, sat in the comfort of our old, familiar nursing chair, I realize that although he’s grown, and will continue to grow and change and evolve, one thing remains the same for us: breastfeeding is important. Breastfeeding is pivotal to his childhood years. Mama milk keeps him growing: healthy and strong. It’s always been the same, and it always will.

And then you were two

Read it, love it, share it, pin it- but whatever you do, keep sharing the breastfeeding love!!

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Emily Lipscombe

Emily is a 20-something year old mama and teacher, living on the south coast of the UK with her husband and their toddler, balancing motherhood, family life and work (with varying degrees of success!) She writes about breastfeeding and parenting and everything else in between – check out her blog!

squidmamma.wordpress.com

The post And Then You Were Two: How Breastfeeding Changes As Your Nursling Grows appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

Let’s face it, anyone who is breastfeeding a toddler knows that it is a totally different ball game to nursing a tiny, squishy newborn. Gone are the days where there’s no need for nursing boundaries. Forgotten memories linger of quiet, still, cozy breastfeeding sessions. No longer can you scroll through Facebook, or watch Netflix whilst your sleepy baby guzzles milk. No, nursing a toddler is not a quiet, calm and still exercise. More often than not, it involves a toddler-bottom in your face, some Super Stretch Armstrong nipples and lots of wiggling around.

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Nursing used to be so calm

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We all know that toddlers are active little things. They are never still for more than a couple of seconds before charging off to explore. In some ways, breastfeeding has never been more integral and important to your child as in their toddler years. A quick breastfeed and mama cuddle can calm the most difficult of emotions, as well as scare away the monsters from under the bed. And those benefits are let alone any of the other many perks that breastfeeding brings.

Just cannot keep still!

Ground Rules

But the thing is, whilst breastfeeding is wonderful, and for our family, it’s a huge part of how we raise our child, it can still be hard going at times. Toddlers, who are so fiercely independent with most things, still need regular breastfeeds in order to feel secure. At times, this can feel relentless, and there are days when I nurse my almost-2 year old more now than he nursed as a new born!

Super-stretch nipples!

This is why, for us, it was so vital to introduce some ‘nursing manners’ in order for us to maintain harmony in our breastfeeding relationship. I suffer quite badly with nursing aversion (LINK TO NURSING AVERSION BLOG POST WHEN IT’S PUBLISHED) at times, and so introducing these ‘rules’ helps me to maintain control when I’m struggling. I truly believe that having this nursing etiquette is enabling us to prolong our nursing relationship, and to reach our goal of weaning at natural term.

I don’t just breastfeed my toddler…

When is the right time to introduce the concept of nursing boundaries?

Cake, sunglasses and milk!

Of course, each child is different, but at around 10 months, I knew that Squid had a level of understanding which meant that I could begin setting some small boundaries. I’m a believer in breastfeeding responsively, and so he is allowed to have milk whenever he wants it *

We started with the rule that ‘mama gets the milk out’. This came about because Squid was insistent on ‘helping himself’ – literally removing my boob from my top and latching on. Now, we are huge advocates of teaching bodily autonomy and so this was something I needed to address. ‘Mama gets the milk out, because they are mama’s boobies’ – every time Squid tried to help himself, I gently held his hand and said this phrase. Yes, it’s Squid’s milk, but they are MY breasts. It didn’t take long before Squid picked this up – and soon he was saying ‘Mama’s boobies!’ Loudly. In the supermarket… but never mind.

MY milk, mama!

*Now Squid is approaching 2, occasionally if it’s not convenient to breastfeed, I will offer water or a snack as an alternative to nursing.

Keep it simple

When setting your boundaries, keep them simple. Explain your boundary, and the reason for it, and be consistent. Say the same phrase every time your toddler needs reminding. Soon it becomes ingrained!

As well as the above rule, my other boundaries are:

• ‘Kind hands’. No pinching or scratching. (I also find that a fiddle necklace is great for helping to curb this habit!)
• ‘Be still’. Squid had a habit of twisting and turning and seemingly trying to take a porta-boob off with him to play! So now he knows that if he wants milk, he has to sit nicely and have it.
• ‘Unlatch please’ and ‘other milk’.  This one I have had to introduce more recently, and for my own sanity. As mentioned above, nursing aversion really bites my bum at times. Being able to quickly unlatch Squid when it gets too much is really important to me. He’s excellent at unlatching straight away when I need him to. He knows he can have the ‘other milk’ if he unlatches, which is enough of an incentive when you’re nearly 2!

I am sure these boundaries will evolve as we continue, and they really help to keep our nursing relationship a positive one. These rules mean that we can go on nursing knowing that we are both happy. Squid has a developing respect of other people’s bodies and personal space, as well as knowing that his body is his own too.

Do you have any ground rules between you and your nursing toddler? How have they changed over time? I’d love to know!

Milk is love, warmth and security. Milk is mama.

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Emily Lipscombe

Emily is a 20-something year old mama and teacher, living on the south coast of the UK with her husband and their toddler, balancing motherhood, family life and work (with varying degrees of success!) She writes about breastfeeding and parenting and everything else in between – check out her blog!

squidmamma.wordpress.com

The post Boundaries for nursing toddlers: How to maintain a harmonious nursing relationship appeared first on Breastfeeding World.

Breast milk is the food of love

I love breastfeeding. I love the warm, milky cuddles; the stare of utter love and bliss that Squid often gives me as he feeds; the fact I grew this entire human and I am still nurturing him with my body almost 2 years after his birth. 

Time for a pit stop!

But I have a secret: sometimes, feeding my son makes my skin crawl. Sometimes, I feel like I can’t breathe, and that I want to be as far away as possible from my nursing toddler. Sometimes, the small voice asking for ‘mummy’s meeelk’ sends a shiver of dread through my entire being. 

You see, at certain times, I have nursing aversion. 

Nursing aversion is a phenomenon which is experienced in different ways for everyone. For me, it feels like my skin is crawling, like I could rip my breasts from my chest, and at its worst, it makes me want to expel Squid from my body and run away. Personally, it’s triggered when I can hear the milk coming out, and it makes my toes curl until I feel physically sick. Coupled with Squid’s insistence at playing with my hair, I feel claustrophobic and trapped.

It is always at its worst when I ovulate: this is really common. For about 2 days before and after ovulation, I experience this aversion. I really, truly dread breastfeeding Squid at this time. For me, it’s always worst in the evening. There are times when I have to get my husband to take over, before it feels like I’ll lose the plot. I then experience another episode around 2 days before my period: I can tell my cycle to the day by this aversion! It’s worsened by the fact that I experience a slight dip in supply around ovulation and the start of my period, which in turn makes Squid nurse more often, and with more vigour, making the experience worse for me. 

Though this aversion is usually predictable, and largely hormonal for me, I’ve always, always experienced it to a degree, but to begin with it was only in one breast.  

Lazy toddler latch!

When I was 19, in the wake of a messy break-up from my first serious boyfriend, I got my left nipple pierced. Even then, I remember asking the piercer if I would still be able to breastfeed, and was assured I would be able to. Fast forward nearly 6 years to Squid’s arrival, and breastfeeding didn’t come easy to us. I had long since removed the piercing, but now my baby boy was catching the scar tissue at every feed, making everything so painful. This, coupled with a severe tongue tie, and my poor nips were pretty damaged! When we had finally fixed the boobing issues, and it was largely pain free. However, I would experience these episodes of dreadful aversion, but only when Squid nursed on my left breast. The noise of the milk, and the tickly feeling would nearly send me over the edge. 

I’m not saying that the reason for this was the piercing alone. However, I think it makes that boob extra sensitive, and therefore worsens the aversion. It’s always worse on my left side, and I only nurse about 30% of the time on the left for this precise reason. That said, I experience aversion on both sides, especially around ovulation. I just find it more bearable on the right side!

Gymnurstics

My top tips for dealing with aversion

Practical changes

• Stay hydrated. It’s always so much worse for me when I’m dehydrated! I make sure I have a pint of cold water with me whenever I know I’m going to suffer! 
• White noise. Because the sound of the milk being ejected is a huge trigger for my aversion, I have to have white noise playing when I’m struggling. It really helps as I can often concentrate on the sound of the white noise rather than the milk. I use an app from the App Store, which was free!
• Take a magnesium supplement. This has helped me HUGELY. I know that my aversion is at its worst when I ovulate and get my period. Magnesium really helps me to deal with the dip in my supply at these points in my cycle. So I take a supplement when I ovulate and then until the first few days of my period. The aversion becomes so much more manageable!

Changing your mindset 

• Breathe slowly. Concentrating on my breathing, slowly in and out, really helps to regain control for me. 
• Set limits. Now Squid is older, I am able to explain to him that it’s uncomfortable, and I can ask him to unlatch. I often have to ask him to have the ‘other milk’, when I reach the point where I can’t let him have that side anymore. Unfortunately, the dreaded ‘lazy toddler latch’ can really worsen the aversion for me. Making sure Squid does a really wide mouth to latch with can sometimes lessen the sensations.
• Talk about it. It feels like a huge taboo: admitting that feeding your baby puts you on edge. Until I spoke to others about it, I thought it was just me, that there was something wrong with me. Now I know that there’s not, and this fact alone makes me feel less isolated. 

Milky love

All of these tips really help me out when I’m struggling. And sometimes, I just have to say ‘no’ to Squid. 99% of the time, he comes first but occasionally, I have to look after myself too. All this being said, one thing that really helps me to maintain a rational sense of thinking is to consider my long term goals. I know that Squid will nurse until he doesn’t want to anymore, and so remembering this helps me to focus on why I’m doing it.

Do you ever experience aversion? How do you cope with it? Do you recognise your triggers? I’d love to hear from you! You’re not alone, mama, no matter how hard it is. 

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Emily Lipscombe

Emily is a 20-something year old mama and teacher, living on the south coast of the UK with her husband and their toddler, balancing motherhood, family life and work (with varying degrees of success!) She writes about breastfeeding and parenting and everything else in between – check out her blog!

squidmamma.wordpress.com

The post Breastfeeding Aversion: How to cope when you’ve reached your limit appeared first on Breastfeeding World.